CrossRoads

Pastor Terry Laughlin’s Biblical Explanation of Message Presentation

BREAKING FREE FROM PERSISTENT TEMPTATIONS

Breaking Free

Part 2

Rick Warren (1 hr. 15 Minute Message)

Feb. 24-25, 2006

Last week we talked about how God heals your hidden wounds. We talked about how you never can break free from your past without other people. You can’t do it on your own. You need others in your life. I invited you and everybody else to confidentially share with me and a couple other of our pastors (our counseling pastors) what secret hurt you’ve been carrying – a sin, a habit, a hurt, a regret, a fear, a worry. I spent the better part of this last week reading through that huge stack of cards and praying for those of you who turned one in.

As I read through those cards I realized that the series I planned to start this week was not appropriate in the timing of God. That what I needed to do is just keep continuing on the theme we started last week. So we’re going to call this series “Breaking Free.” Breaking free from habits, from hurts, from hang-ups, from your past. Different areas of your life that tend to mess up what God wants to do in your life.

A while back I got this note: “Pastor Rick, every morning I start out with great intentions to change my ways. I think today is going to be different. But it never is. Somehow in some way I always fall back into my same old ways of relating to people and my old bad habits. Sometimes I feel like there’s a tug of war going on inside of me. I really want to do what’s best but I always end up disappointing myself and God. I’ve tried everything – prayer, resolutions, self-help tapes, even hypnosis. Nothing seems to work. Why do I keep making the same mistakes over and over? Why am I so resistant to change? Why do I do things that I know are bad for me? I’m very discouraged and I need help getting unstuck.”

If all of us were honest we’d have to admit that different times in our lives we’ve all felt that way. The things you want to do you end up not doing. The things you know are bad for you, you end up doing. You feel like you get caught in what I call the cycle of failure. It goes like this: Good intentions. You’ve got a good heart, you want to do the right thing. Good intentions action – failure – guilt. Then the next cycle good intentions – action – failure – guilt. Good intentions – action – failure – guilt. I wonder how many times you’ve tried to change something you didn’t like about yourself and failed at it. Over and over and over.

Why does that happen? Because good intentions are not good enough. It takes more than good intentions to change. If you could change from desire then you would have already done it. But it takes far more than desire to change your life. It takes something much, much deeper. We’re going to look at that tonight.

We’re going to continue in this series “Breaking Free” and I want to talk about “Breaking Free from Persistent Temptations.”

I’m not talking about the little temptations of life like, “I shouldn’t have that piece of chocolate cake” or something like that. No, I’m talking about the persistent temptations – patterns in your life that have continually caused you to stumble over and over and over. Maybe it’s anger that seems to be out of control. You just can’t get control of your anger. Maybe it’s fear that tends to dominate your life and cause you to panic. Maybe it’s worry. Maybe it’s resentment. And you can’t seem to let it go. It could be lust and sexual thoughts. You just have compulsions about some areas of sexual thoughts. It could be greed. It could be jealousy. It could be envy. I could go on and on. But it’s those persistent habits that you know mess up your life and you’d like to get rid of them. You just don’t know how to break the cycle.

That’s what we’re going to talk about tonight.

Paul obviously felt this way, the Apostle Paul. Romans 7:15 “I don’t understand myself. For I really want to do what’s right but I don’t do it. Instead I do the very thing I hate.” How do I break free from persistent temptations?

Again, as you read through the New Testament you find there are certain principles and patterns that you find over and over and over. Tonight I’m going to summarize them all in one message in seven different steps. This is how you break free from the things that keep holding you back.

1. Predetermine my pattern of temptation.

What do I mean by that? Every one of us have unique patterns in the way that we live. You have a unique fingerprint. You have a unique thumbprint. Unique palm print. You have a unique eye print, unique footprint, voice print. You heart beats in a very unique pattern. It’s different from everyone else’s heart around you. Nobody’s heart has ever beat just like yours.

Just as that’s true of you physically it’s also true of you emotionally and spiritually. There are certain things that tempt you more than other things. We all have the same temptations. But they come at us in different ways depending on your personality, your background and a lot of other things.

For instance I have never been tempted to smoke. It just isn’t interesting to me. I’ve never had a cigarette in my mouth. I’ve never wanted to. I can’t stand the smell. I think it smells like poo. In fact a guy asked me one day, “Pastor Rick, will smoking send me to hell?” I said, “No. Of course not. It’ll make you smell like you’ve been there but it won’t send you to hell.”

The point is I just have never been tempted to smoke. It’s just not a failing.

On the other hand, food is a huge temptation for me. Any kind of food. I like all food. I love food. Food is good and I have a highly developed sense of taste. That is an area that affects me.

Maybe that doesn’t affect you. Maybe you go, take it or leave it – whatever. But you have a unique susceptibility to certain temptations. In other words, certain things tempt you and others don’t.

You need to know your pattern of temptation. For certain the devil knows. He knows what uniquely trips you up. He knows it better than you do. You better know what trips you up because if you don’t it’s like going into a war with a blindfold on. Every day the devil is trying to trip you up, trying to mess you up. If you don’t know what weakens you, what tempts you, you don’t know how and why and when and where it happens then you’re going to be driving into a blind alley. You’re going to hit dead ends. You’re going to be putty in the hands of the devil because you’ve never thought it through and he knows what’s going to tempt you.

You have to ask yourself five questions if you really want to look at your pattern of temptation, so you can break through those bad habits you really don’t like about yourself, you’d like to change. When am I most tempted? Where am I most tempted? Who is with me when I’m most tempted? What temporary benefits do I get if I give in? And, How do I feel right before I’m tempted? Let’s look at these in a little more detail.

First, Proverbs 5:6, “The immoral person does not care about the path of life. She staggers down a crooked trail and doesn’t even realize where it leads.” If you don’t know your pattern of temptation you’re going to travel down certain paths not realizing you’re headed for destruction. You’re headed for a crash. You’re headed for a crack up. That’s why Lamentations 3:40 says this, “Let’s take a good look at the way we’re living and reorder our lives under God.” If you can identify the patterns that tempt you, then you can predict the problems in advance and you can avoid those situations.

But first you ask, “When am I most tempted?” Did you know that you are tempted on certain days more than other days? And you are tempted at certain times of the day more than other times. For instance on Monday morning when you go back to work or you go back to school, you may be tempted to be frustrated, tempted to be short tempered, tempted to be irritated with people because it’s Monday morning. Those temptations may be totally different than temptations you face on Friday nights. The temptations you face on Saturday morning might be just to be lazy or waste time or be irresponsible when you know you need to do something. So different days of the week you’re going to be tempted different. Certain days of the week certain things happen. And it’s tempting to you. So you need to know that.

Also you need to know the time of day. You may be tempted more in the morning or the afternoon or the evening. Late afternoon when your blood sugar’s low and you start to get irritable. Or you may be tempted at night. What tempts you may tempt you after everybody else has gone to bed. And you’re still up by yourself.

I have discovered with me and food that I can handle any diet until noon. In fact I have great self-control until noon. I could fast every day till noon. Then after lunch I’m a goner. I’ve discovered that the time I’m most tempted about food is between seven p.m. and midnight. After dinner. Because we have this wonderful thing called snacks. It’s a beautiful word, isn’t it – snacks. It sort of rolls off your tongue. It even sounds happy. Snacks! I’ve discovered that I can eat more calories in snacks between seven p.m. and midnight than I ate in breakfast, lunch, and dinner combined. The later I go, the hungrier I get. I just realized it.

I rarely break a diet in the morning. Very easy.

So you just need to know when am I most tempted.

The second question you ask is, “Where am I most tempted?” That means where. You need to look at it. Are you tempted most at work? Maybe you sit next to a really handsome or really gorgeous co-worker at work. And that’s tempting to you. Or maybe you’re tempted most in the kitchen. Maybe you’re tempted most in the bedroom or the bathroom. Maybe you’re tempted most when you’re at your neighbor’s house. Or maybe when you go into 7-11. And there’s a certain wrack there with a certain kind of magazine. If you know it tempts you, you just don’t go there. Real simple. If you don’t want to get stung you stay away from the bees. You don’t go down that aisle where those magazines are.

Some of you are most tempted when you go to a sports bar. Some of you are most tempted when you’re at the beach. Some of you are most tempted when you’re sitting in front of a computer. And the temptation to pornography is so great.

On and on, you need to know not only when you’re tempted but you need to know where you get tempted most.

The third question is, “Who am I with when I’m most tempted?” Who is with me when I’m the most tempted? Some of you are most tempted when you’re alone. And when you’re alone, you think nobody’s watching. Or when you’re alone you think, I’m lonely. When you’re alone, you may feel a little irritated or a little anxious. Some of you, other temptations, it isn’t when you’re alone at all when you’re tempted. You’re tempted when you’re out with the guys. Or the girls. You’re most tempted when you’re with a group of people who want to do something wrong but you don’t want to do it but you don’t know how to say no when there’s peer pressure. Everybody’s doing it. It’s not when you’re alone. It’s when you’re with a group of people.

Some of you are most tempted when you’re with a co-worker. Some of you are tempted most when you’re in a crowd of strangers and you think, Nobody knows who I am. Some temptations come most when you’re with your family. Some of you say mean things to your family that you would never say to anybody else. You’re tempted to act in certain ways in your family or in your home and you would never treat anybody at work that way.

You need to know where you’re tempted most.

And then you need to ask the question, “What temporary benefit do I get when I give in?” Every time you give in to temptation… by the way, it’s not a sin to be tempted. It’s a sin to give in to temptation. Even Jesus was tempted. What payoff do I get when I sin? There’s always a payoff. Every negative behavior has some sort of pay off. The Bible says sin is fun, did you know that? No one would do it if it were a bummer. If sin had the pain of a root canal you'd never do it. There is pleasure in sin. The Bible says it’s fun. It’s just a short-term pleasure. What it is is trading short-term pleasure, short-term relief, short-term comfort for a long term problem, damage and destruction.

So you need to ask yourself what am I getting out of this that causes me to keep doing it? Why do I keep blowing up? Why do I keep being fearful? Why do I keep lusting? What’s the payoff in this?

Sometimes you’re tempted because of comfort. You give in to temptation because of comfort. It’s comforting to do this. Sometimes you give in because of relief. It’s a stress relief. It’s a relief that you explode or whatever. Sometimes people give in to temptation for excitement. They’re just bored with life and they just want some excitement in their life. So they go and do something that’s really stupid to do, go get drunk and act really stupid because I’m looking for excitement. Other people give into temptation because it gives a sense of false confidence.

How do I feel when I give in? Do I feel more loved? Do I feel more accepted? Do I feel more popular? You need to know these things. You need to know your pattern of temptation. How Satan hooks you.

The last question you ask is, How do I feel right before I’m tempted? In other words you need to know your emotional triggers that make you vulnerable.

Some people are most vulnerable to temptation when they’re frustrated. Just so frustrated and don’t know what to do. Then they get tempted to do the wrong thing. Some people are tempted when they feel lonely. That’s the way they respond. Some people feel tempted when they’re angry. Or when they’re bored. Or maybe you’re tempted when you can’t sleep at night. And you get up and you turn on a channel you really don’t have any business watching.

The point is once you determine How, Where, When, Why, and What’s the most typical pattern – and there is a pattern in your life, it’s a pattern and you need to be aware of it – then here’s step two.

2. Plan to avoid it.

It’s not rocket science folks. Once you know the patterns that tend to cause you to give in to temptation then you plan to avoid those patterns. Once you know the triggers, then you set some boundaries in your life that keep you from those situations. As I said, If you don’t want to get stung then you stay away from the bees.

Proverbs 4:26-27 “Plan carefully what you do. Avoid evil and walk straight ahead. Don’t go one step off the right way.” If you just keep your eyes focused, don’t get distracted.

When I think of this verse I think of 1974 when I was living in Japan and I was working as a short-term missionary in Nagasaki, Japan. I was teaching English at a church. I was staying in the home of the permanent missionaries there in Nagasaki. Every night as I would go home to their home which was up on a hill I had to every night (it was the only way I could get there) walk straight through the center of Nagasaki’s red light district. Knowing that every night there were full sized posters of nude women on either side of those narrow roads and call girls standing out there seductively dressed all the way through the red light district. I just made a covenant with my eyes, “I’m not going to look to the right, I’m not going to look to the left, I’m going to keep my eyes focused straight on because I don’t even want to be distracted. If it gets my attention it’s going to get me.” So I sat boundaries. “Plan carefully what you do, avoid evil and walk straight ahead.”

You need to understand that temptation always begins with a natural desire in your life. Sex is a natural desire. Where do you think you got your sex drive? You got it from God. Sex is not evil. Sex is not bad. Sex is holy. It is a gift of God. But anything that’s a gift of God can be abused or misused or perverted. In fact, everything God’s given the human race has been abused, misused and perverted. But that doesn’t mean it’s bad. It just means it’s been abused, misused and perverted.

So your sexuality, your sex drive – thank God for it. All of these drives that you have it’s a natural drive to want to be loved. It’s a natural desire to eat. There’s nothing wrong with eating. It’s a natural desire to eat. It’s a natural desire to sleep. Nothing wrong with sleep. Or drink. Or whatever. But anything that becomes out of control becomes damaging to your life. Those are all God given. But what temptation is, it takes a natural desire that you have and it challenges you to fulfill it in the wrong way or at the wrong time. That’s what it is. The temptation to fulfill a legitimate desire the wrong way at the wrong time. It takes a very natural or routine desire and turns it into a runaway desire. All of a sudden it’s all you can think about. All of a sudden it possesses your mind. It becomes more important than anything else. You’ve got to have it and it’s all you can think about. Any desire no matter how good it is when its out of control becomes destructive. A fire in the fireplace can warm your house. But a fire out of place can destroy your house. It’s just what you’re doing with it that makes the difference.

You need to understand God says you need to build boundaries in your life. Once you know the patterns you’re used to falling into then you say, “I’m just not going to put myself in this situation.” That’s the smart way to do it.

Here’s step three in overcoming persistent temptation.

3. I must protect the condition of my heart.

Proverbs 4:23 says this “Above all else, guard your heart. For it effects everything you do.” Circle “guard your heart.” If you want to change something that is continually causing you to stumble, you don’t start with your behavior. You start with the heart. You start inside of you. You don’t start by tying to change your behavior by sheer will power: “I’m not going to do it any more. I’m not going to do it any more! I’m not going to do it anymore!” Willpower doesn’t work, have you learned that? When you do anything, any kind of personal improvement program simply by willpower you eventually give up. Because you get tired and you get stressed and you haven’t change the inside of you. As a result you don’t change yourself. You’re just forcing yourself to do something that is unnatural to you. And eventually you’re going to give up.

If you want to change a persistent pattern in your life that you don’t like about you, you don’t focus on your behavior and you don’t focus on the circumstance and you don’t focus on the temptation. You don’t even focus on how you feel. You focus on what’s going on in my heart. What’s going on inside of me that causes me to want to do this? That means you have to do a little heart examination. You’ve got to do a spiritual X-Ray of your heart.

If you want to change it starts with the inside out if you want permanent change. I want you to take a little survey, a little quiz. Ten questions about ten different areas of your life. I want you to circle a number as we go through these. Then we’re going to add up the numbers and I’m going to interpret them for you.

First, your physical condition. Zero meaning really bad off. Four being perfect. First, am I more physically exhausted or am I more energetic and in shape? I’m not talking about your entire life. I’m talking about this week, right now. Am I physically exhausted? Or am I energetic in shape? If you say I am tired all the time, all the time. Give yourself a zero. If you say, I’m in tiptop condition. I’m really to take Jack Lalane’s place, give yourself a four.

How about your emotions? Are you discouraged about your life right now? Do you feel discouraged? Or do you feel pessimistic? Or, on the other hand, do you feel encouraged about your life and feel very optimistic? Give yourself a score from zero to four. A low score if you’re discouraged and pessimistic. A high score if you’re encouraged and optimistic.

Your lifestyle. Do you feel bored with your life? Or do you feel discontented? You don’t like the situation you’re in right now. If you’re bored or discontented give yourself a low score. If you say I feel challenged by the life I’m living right now. It’s not too stressful but it’s challenging, worth getting up for and I feel contented with my life give yourself a high score. Circle one of those.

Your spiritual life. If you’d say, right now I’m feeling kind of spiritually dry. Spiritually empty. I don’t feel really close to God right now. Then give yourself a low score. On the other hand if you’d say, I’m really growing. I’m growing more than I’ve ever grown before in my life, give yourself a four. I’m growing closer to the Lord every day.

The next one has to do with your relationships. If you’d say the people that I love right now I’m geographically distant from and I feel alone. Maybe you have to travel a lot. Or the people you love the most are overseas or they’re distant and you don’t get to spend much time with them, then give yourself a low score. If you say, those that I love the most of my relationships, they’re near and I get to spend a lot of time together with them, circle a high score.

Am I feeling insecure or unsure about my future? Or am I feeling very secure and very confident about my future? Give yourself a zero to a four there.

The next one we talked about last week. Have you been deeply wounded? Are you carrying a deep hurt? Give yourself a low score, a zero or one or something like that. If you feel like, I’m loved and I feel understood by the people in my life give yourself a high score.

There are three more. If you have been carrying a hurt and you’re secretly bitter, in other words, you’re holding a grudge, are you holding a grudge against anyone? Are you holding a resentment? You say, “I can’t forgive them. I’m angry and I can’t forgive them.” Give yourself a low score. On the other hand if you say I feel like I’ve forgiven every person who’s hurt me in my life give yourself a four.

The next has to do is am I feeling more sad about life or more happy about life right now. Rate yourself on that.

Then finally, am I feeling more alienated and unsupported by my relationships? In other words I’m having conflicts with people in my life. Or do I feel close to them and supported? Are you emotionally close to your family or are you arguing a lot? In other words do you have supportive friends or are you detached and distant?

I want you to add up your numbers right now. There are ten questions there. If you put four on every one then you’d be Jesus and you would have a perfect core of 40. If you got zero in all of them then obviously you’d have zero. So everybody has a score between zero and forty. Add them up right now. This has profound influence on how you handle temptation.

First, if you got between thirty and forty points on this little test then you’re in good shape. You’re in good shape physically, spiritually and emotionally and you are going to be more resistant to temptation than other people. Your immune system, your spiritual immune system is high. You have the strength spiritually, emotionally and physically to handle temptation and you’re in good shape. Congratulations.

If you got between twenty and thirty points, there’s a big yellow caution light flashing in your life saying be careful. Watch out. You are vulnerable for a fall. You are vulnerable to temptation. You’re not as strong as you think you are.

If you got between ten and twenty points, my friend, you are in serious danger. You are headed for an emotional or spiritual or physical crack up. A major catastrophe in your life. You are very vulnerable. And you are wide open to Satan’s attacks in your life because your spiritual, emotional and physical strength is at a low point. You don’t have much resistance.

If you got between zero and ten points you are in crisis mode right now. You need tomorrow morning to call Saddleback church office and get on the waiting list to get some counseling or to get a referral to get some counseling because you are in crisis mode. You need people in your life to help you right now.

The next question you have once you’ve got that number is, How long have I been at this level? The longer you’ve been at a lower level the more vulnerable you are. And the more easy pickin’s you are for Satan to just pick you off.

Ephesians 4:27 says this “Do not give the devil a foothold.” What does that mean, don’t give the devil a foothold? It’s talking about in your life. It’s like a beachhead that the marines used to do when they’d establish a beachhead on an island. In World War II after the Japanese took over the entire South Pacific with their army the United States Marines started to go out and retake those islands and take them back. The plan was always the Marines would land on an island and they would establish what was called a beachhead. A beachhead may be an area of space maybe only ten yards deep and two hundred yards wide. But it was just enough space to give them a toehold, a foothold, a beachhead on the island. That way they could fight the enemy not from the ship but from actually on the ground. Then from that beachhead they’d begin to push back on the island taking it a little bit at a time until they took it over.

It’s interesting that in the history of World War II once the Marines landed on an island and established a beachhead they never lost that island. Once they got on it you weren’t kicking them off. They would keep on keeping on. Victory was assured. There would be lost battles but ultimate victory was assured.

Spiritually this is what happens when the devil establishes a foothold, a beachhead, in your life. He doesn’t try to take over your whole life. He starts by getting one little area. This is my little secret sin over here. It’s my personal habit. It’s the area that nobody knows about. It’s just this little compartment of my life. Everything else in my life is pretty good but this over here is not good. But it’s ok because I’ve contained it to one little area.

You are so sadly mistaken. Do you think Satan is going to be satisfied with just a beachhead in your life? No. He wants to take it over. He wants to ruin you. You know the phrase, “God loves you and has a wonderful plan for your life,” Satan hates you and has a terrible plan for your life. He wants to destroy you. Jesus said, I have come that you might have life. The more you depend on Jesus the more you know what it means to really live.

LIVE – when you spell “live” backwards it spells “evil.” Live is the opposite of evil. And evil is the opposite of live. God says I came to give you life. Satan says I want you to die. I don’t want you to live. I don’t want you to experience the life God intended for you. I want you to do evil because that’s the opposite of living. So he’s going to try to establish a foothold and take it over little bit by little bit.

What’s the most common foothold that Satan gets in our life? The answer is any negative emotion. Any negative emotion Satan can use as a foothold in your life. Jealousy can give Satan a foothold in your life. Do you get jealous? He gets a little foothold in your life. Envy can be a foothold in your life. Do you get envious of other people? How much money they make? He’s got a foothold in your life. Fear can be a foothold. Resentment can be a foothold. Lust can be a foothold. Anger can be a foothold. Boredom can be a foothold. Any of those negative emotions gives him just a little spot in your life to begin trying to destroy your life.

When you mix several of these heart conditions together they’re very potent. For instance, say you’re tired, you’re fatigued, you’re frustrated, and you’re hurt, and you’re lonely. That combination right there is setting you up in an amazingly easy way for temptation. The more of those things that get in your life you’re being set up for a fall. It’s a powerful combo. Because what happens is when you start feeling bad a little voice starts saying to you, I deserve a little comfort. I’m having a tough time right now. I deserve a little release. I deserve a little pleasure. I deserve a little fun. You start listening to yourself. You know where that’s coming from but you know that those ideas you would never consider them if things were going good. So that’s why you have to consider the condition of your heart.

Tom’s going to come and talk about the next couple of steps in defeating persistent temptation.

Tom:

The fourth step is you pray for God’s help. You talk to him. If you’re not talking to God regularly you have no protection against temptation. That’s what Jesus said, Matthew 26:41. Jesus gave this advice to His followers. “Keep alert and pray. Otherwise temptation will overpower you.” Talk to God about it.

As simple as this is I don’t know about you but I often forget to pray. I forget to pray about my temptation. Sometimes it’s because I’m selfish. I want to go my own way. But more often than not you know why I forget to pray? I’m too busy. I’m just rushing off to the next thing. I don’t take the time to talk to God about it because I rushed on to the next thing. Because we’re all busy we need to learn what I would call microwave prayers. Quick prayers. Just send it up. Pray it immediately. You pray it in the middle of the circumstance. When you’re going through it.

The Bible says in Psalm 50:15 “Call to Me when trouble comes. I will save you.” When trouble comes. Not a long conversation but you immediately call when trouble comes. Learn one word prayers: Help! That’s a great one word prayer. Just say God I need help. And you do it when the trouble comes. If you’re out on the freeway and the jerk next to you in the lane is making you angry and you want to cut him off you don’t think, I should add this to my prayer list for my devotion time tomorrow morning. That’s not going to work. You have to pray a prayer for help in that moment. When you do, God answers.

The Bible is filled, literally filled, with examples of how when people call for help God answers. David and Daniel and Peter and Paul and Mary (and all the other music groups in the Bible) when they call for help. God provides assistance to those who ask.

Why? Why should God help me? Because He cares. Because He is sympathetic to your needs. Hebrews 4 “Jesus understands our weaknesses for He faced all the same temptations that we do and yet He did not sin. So let us come boldly to our gracious God. There we will receive His mercy and grace to help us when we need it.” He understands. He wants us to know that He understands.

Notice in the verse it says Jesus faced all of the same temptations. So He understands. Always. Did Jesus ever face temptation having to do with anger? Of course. This is the same temptation. Temptations surrounding self-pity. Absolutely. Same temptation. Temptation surrounding sexuality or fatigue or loneliness. Of course. All the same temptations. He understands.

Jesus has the freedom to choose. The difference is He always chose to say no to the temptation and yes to God. But He chose. So he understands what we have to go through. You get a glimpse into the heart of Jesus and how He understands the night before He died. He was in the garden of Gethsemane. Some of you remember that in facing the cross the next day He knew the suffering that was going to happen. He prayed a prayer in which He said, “I don’t want to face the cross. But not My will but Your will be done.” He choose. And because He choose to say no to temptation He can give us that strength. He was God but He was in a fully human body so He understands all of our temptations and even better than that He never sinned. That’s where He’s different from all of us. He never sinned. So He can help us to overcome temptations in all of our lives. That’s why you come boldly. That’s why you come with no hesitation. Because you know He cares and you know He has the strength to help.

There’s fifth thing you can do to break free.

5. You point your attention elsewhere.

This is something Rick was talking about this last week. You change the direction of your thoughts. You refocus on something else. You shift your attention. James 1:14-15 “Temptation is the pull of your own evil thoughts and wishes. These evil thoughts lead to evil action.” Temptation always starts with a thought. It always starts with the mind. So in the end whatever gets your attention gets you. There is a pull to what gets your attention.

If you’re standing at the edge of a cliff and you look over, there is something that pulls you towards the bottom. What is it that does that? How does that happen? It’s because it has your attention. Whatever gets your attention gets you. It’s a physical law that you’re drawn toward whatever has your attention. If you’re driving down the freeway and you look off at something along the side of the road you tend to drift in that direction. If I said to you right now, are you hungry? You might think, well yeah I am a little bit hungry. You’ve been thinking about snacks ever since Rick mentioned it a few minutes ago. I am a little bit hungry. It has your attention. Or how’s the temperature in here? And some of you think it’s a little cold in here and you grab a sweater. Or are you tired, it’s getting late. And you yawn, I am a little bit tired. Whatever gets your attention, you’re inevitably drawn towards. So the more you think about something the stronger the hold it gets on you.

You divert your attention. You think about something else.

Predictable pattern of temptation, the process. Three words. It starts with attention. Then it goes to arousal. Then action.

Attention. That’s where it grabs your mind. You notice something. It’s temptation.

Arousal. Your emotions kick in. “That looks interesting… That could be exciting! … That’s what I need…”

Action.

But here’s the secret. You catch it at the beginning. Catch it at the attention stage, that’s where you divert your attention. You don’t fight temptation. You divert your attention to something else. You think about something different. Change your thoughts. The Bible says this in 2 Corinthians 10:5 “We capture every thought and make it obey Christ.” That takes practice but it is possible.

You cannot control all your circumstances, you just can’t. You certainly cannot control the people in your life. You can’t even control your own emotions sometimes have you noticed that? But there is one thing you can control. You can control what you choose to think about it.

Some of you as I’m talking about this you might be thinking, Wait a minute. Doesn’t the Bible say, “Resist temptation.” No, it does not. There’s no where in the Bible does it say to resist temptation. It does say to resist Satan, the evil one who is throwing temptation our way. But Jesus’ example is you don’t resist the temptation. You change your thoughts to something else.

When Jesus was tempted. He was out in the desert one time for forty days on a fast before He started His ministry. He was tempted at the end of that time by Satan. When Satan came and tempted Him and said, “Why don’t You take these stones and turn them into bread?” Jesus didn’t say, “I’m going to resist the hunger, resist the hunger, resist the hunger.” No, instead He turned His attention to God’s word and to God. Divert your attention because whatever gets your attention in the end is going to get you.

What I’m saying is this: don’t try to argue with the devil. You’re always going to loose. What I’m saying is this. When temptation calls and you see it on your caller ID, “temptation” don’t even pick up the receiver. Just like when you know it’s a sales call you don’t pick up the receiver. When it says “temptation” don’t even pick up the receiver. Go do something else. The more you fight a feeling the more it’s going to control you in the end. But if you divert your attention, if you ignore it, you will weaken it.

One thing about temptation in my own life I know that one of the triggers is feelings of inadequacy. I get to the end of the day or the end of a project and it doesn’t work like I want it to and I want to kick myself like, “That was dumb. That didn’t work.” You know what I found? I have never felt better about myself by focusing on myself. It’s always when I divert my attention that things change. God still has a plan. God still has a future. God still has a purpose. You change your attention.

You practice the principle of replacement. Romans 12:21 talks about that “Don’t let evil conquer you. But conquer evil with good. Fill your mind with truth. Fill your mind with good thoughts.” The truth is learning new patterns of thinking, it is not easy. It does not come quickly. But by God’s strength it is possible.

Rick:

The sixth step if you’re serious about defeating a persistent pattern in your life that has defeated you for years and years you have to take this next step.

6. Pick an accountability partner.

The reason why most people never break free from their habits is they’re unwilling to do this. Pick an accountability partner.

Last week we talked about the importance of having support if you’re going to break free from your past. There are some problems in your life you have to team tackle. They are so big you can’t get well on your own. You can’t break free on your own. It’s true with temptations just like it is with past hurts. You need somebody else in your life. You’re not going to get well on your own.

You’ve been trying to break these patterns for a long time. It isn’t going to happen. In fact if you’re unwilling to have an accountability partner, stop kidding yourself, you really don’t want to change.

What happens is we want to change but the fear of change stays there and keeps us from doing it. Only until the pain exceeds the fear do we change. We don’t change when we see the light, we change when we feel the heat. I would say to you, don’t get yourself into so much pain that it forces you to change. Be smart enough to change before the pain becomes that intense. How do you do it? By getting an accountability partner.

Last week I shared two verses and they’re so important I’m sharing them again this week. Ecclesiastes 4:10-11 “Two are better than one. [Two people] Together if one falls down [like to temptation, stumbles and sins or whatever] the other can help him up. But if someone is alone and fall there’s no one to help him.” And the next verse we looked at last week also “Admit your faults to each other. [That means to your accountability partner] and pray for each other [that’s your accountability partner] so that you may be healed.”

The fact is God has wired us to need each other. When we let others into our problems and our hurts and our pains and our sins it does three things.

What we’re talking about here is called authenticity, when I share my private or personal sin with one other person. You don’t have to do it to the whole world. You don’t have to put up a billboard. Just one other person who will accept you unconditionally and you will accept them. You love them and they love you and they will be in your corner. A friend walks in when everybody else walks out. When you tell a friend your sin they don’t rub it in, they rub it out. They say, “You’re a good egg even if you are a little cracked.” That’s what friends do. Everybody needs one friend like that. You don’t need a whole lot of friends. But you need some who say I’m going to love you and I’m on your side no matter what you’ve done. That’s what’s called Christian friendship. You need somebody who says I’m on your side and I want to help you break free from it. I’m going to hold you accountable and you hold me. We’ll check up on each other. We’ll encourage each other.

When you’re honest… when I’m honest with you about a sin in my life that’s called authenticity. When you’re honest with one other person you’re no longer a fake. You’re no longer a phony. You’re no longer a hypocrite. You’re no longer play-acting. You’re real. You’re authentic. You’re doing the real thing. You’re keeping it real by being authentic.

When that happens three amazing benefits take place in my life. When I share my hidden secrets with another person, it brings liberation – it is liberating; it’s empowering; and it’s endearing.

It’s liberating. Jesus said, “When you know the truth the truth sets you free.” I told you last week when anytime someone on the patio says, “I’ve never told this to anybody but I’m going to tell this to you. You’re my pastor.” I fill up with hope on the inside. I know that person is about to experience freedom. The moment you share your secret sin with somebody else is starts weakening the grip on your life by the second. Instantly. All of a sudden that grip that’s got you by the jugular and that guilt that’s got you all tied up, it starts weakening instantly. You haven’t done anything about it. But by simply sharing it with another person it starts making it easier. When you talk about it, the grip is broken on your life. It’s liberating. It’s setting you free.

Hiding a hurt only intensifies it. When we wear a mask it makes us miserable. We spend all this emotional energy trying to pretend we’re something we’re not. It feels good once you’ve done it. It’s liberating because it’s your secrets that make you sick. All of a sudden the pressure starts to dissipate when you’ve told one other person about the thing that you’ve never told anybody about.

The second thing is it’s empowering. God gives power to us when we humble ourselves. He gives grace to the humble. You get that grace, that power to change. God says I’m going to give you the power now to change.

If I can’t talk about it, it’s out of control. I don’t care what it is. If I can’t talk about it, it’s out of control. If I can’t talk about it because it’s too painful or its too embarrassing or its too shameful or I’m too bitter about it what my dad did or my mom did or what I’ve done to somebody else, if I can’t talk about it, it’s out of control. In fact, if you can’t talk about it it’s controlling you. You don’t control it, it’s controlling you.

When you talk about a problem, that’s how you actually gain control of it. When you begin to talk about it with a spiritual confidant a friend, a spiritual friend who holds you accountable, an accountability partner, you actually gain control by talking about it. That’s one of the ways you regain control of your life.

The third thing is that it does is it’s endearing. What I mean by that is when you’re honest about your weakness to somebody else it actually draws that person closer to you instead of repelling them away. We think that people will like us if we pretend we’ve got it all together and we put on a show and we wear a mask and pretend that we’re perfect. Actually that doesn’t work at all. We actually are gathered to, we gravitate toward people who are authentic. We like them. We gravitate toward people who are humble. So when you do that it actually causes people to be closer to you rather than further away.

Anytime I stand up here and I tell you one of my faults or one of my weaknesses you like me more. You really do. The fact is we like people who just admit it. “Rick doesn’t think he’s some hot shot. He’s just like us. He has the same problems we do. He messes up just like we do. We’re all in the same boat.” If all I did was stand up here and tell you how great I am and how strong I am you’d say, “Well whoopty-do for you! That’s not me. I’m not in that situation. Forget it.” But when you share a weakness, a sin, a struggle, a fault people go, “That’s like me!”

We notice this in testimonies. Almost every week we have a testimony come up here and they’ll share their story about some area they’ve struggled with. You know what you discover when you start sharing what’s happening in you? You find that other people feel the same way you do. Sometimes you’ve heard a testimony and gone “I don’t know anybody felt like that. Certainly I didn’t expect anybody in my church to feel that way.” But they do. And all those things that you wrote and thousands of other people wrote last week that “I’ve never told anybody and I feel really bad about this,” and you think I’m probably the only one that wrote that. You’re wrong. Hundreds of other people wrote what you wrote. In this church. We’ve all got the same problems. We’ve all got the same sins.

Not only that but you discover that they have the same feelings that you do. A lot of other people have that.

Does following Christ exempt you from temptation? No. Of course not. In fact you’re probably going to be more tempted once you become a believer because you’ve got big bull’s eye on you and Satan hates your guts. He wants to take you down. Of course you’re going to be tempted. So if you ever hear some Christian say, “I just thank God I haven’t been tempted in twenty-five years.” There’s a word for that – when you cross a crocodile and an abalone. It’s a crock of baloney. It’s just not true. You’re going to be tempted the rest of your life.

Followers of Christ – that’s you and me – we have the exact same problems, same hurts, same fears, same difficulties, same sins, same failures as everybody else in the world. We just have two significant differences. One, we have been saved by grace because we’ve put our trust in Christ so we’re forgiven. That’s a big difference. I have the same sins in my life as everybody else but I don’t walk around with a guilty complex. Because I have been forgiven. Jesus Christ died on the cross for my sins and I accepted that. So salvation and God’s grace in my life means I’ve been forgiven. That’s a big advantage. A big advantage! I have been forgiven.

The second thing I have is I’ve got church family. In a church family I can find other people who say, we’re with you, Rick. We’re going to hang in there with you. We’re going to be with you. For twenty-seven years we’ve been trying to build Saddleback as a safe place where people admit they don’t have it all together. The church is not a hotel for saints where they dress up for dress parade. It’s a hospital for sinners. People who say I want to grow. God says that’s the kind of people I want.

Because the most common temptations without a doubt are sexual temptations. Why? I don’t know if you’ve figured this out or not but everybody is either a man or a woman. As a result sexual temptations are the most common temptations. Not everybody is tempted to do drugs, smoke weed, not everybody is tempted to go get drunk and drive drunk. But everybody is either a man or a woman. And Satan tries to get those drives and those desires – good godly drives –perverted, misused or abused. Yet is the one area of temptation that people least like to talk about.

I want you to hear a very courageous story.

Wayne: I grew up in a family that didn’t talk about sex. I never l earned how to deal with sexual

temptations. In my adult years my addictive acting out grew in intensity and in boldness. And in utter secrecy. Pornography, cruising streets looking for prostitutes, going to strip clubs, being unfaithful to my wife – these behaviors crept into my life little by little. Each incident was followed by overwhelming guilt and remorse. How could I do these horrible things? How could I do all these sinful things since I was a Christian and knew how wrong they were? I was conflicted about squaring my faith in Christ with these seemingly uncontrollable thoughts and actions. I was sure I was not worthy of anything good since I had this terrible sin problem. I would scream out, asking God to forgive me but before too many months had passed the thoughts and fantasies and acts would return. The cycle of acting out and asking for God’s forgiveness and then thinking I could stop this by my own willpower went on for years.

Our family grew to three children. Life on the outside seemed great. A good teaching job. Being the choir director and an elder at my church. Looking beautiful on the outside. But still sad and lonely on the inside. What can ever change this vicious cycle? I saw no way out. I had that secret that I would not even admit to myself very often. The secret was all mine! I was convinced my life would be over if anyone ever found out.

In 1995 I was caught in lies to my wife about my whereabouts. I told her I was trapped in pornography. That was only a fraction of the truth. Enough to tell her and keep all the worse secrets deeply hidden. I agreed to counseling and I know the Lord’s hand was guiding us. We found an excellent Christian counselor. I was honest with him about the full extent of my sinful addictive behavior. He was the only person I would be totally honest with for a long time. Through him I began to slowly and painfully face my feelings, face my past, face my loneliness.

Although some of the fog was lifting, total victory over my compulsive behaviors and loneliness seemed far off if not impossible. I had months of victory only to be followed by a period of unrest and fantasy and acting out if the opportunity presented itself. Although I knew that one of the things I needed in my life were male friendships this seemed impossible for me. Most attempts ended in failures since I wasn’t ready to be completely honest about the true me. I realize now that these men were just as awkward about developing friendships as I was. We interacted at a polite and non-threatening level. But this kept us all separated from the close relationships we all desired.

In the fall of 2000 I hit rock bottom. After months of victory over my addictive sexual behavior I took advantage of a time when my wife was out of town. My wild binges in those days proved to me that I could not find a way out. I knew the steps to take. My counselor had shown me those steps. But when I left his office I was powerless to apply them or afraid to try, afraid to be known, afraid to admit the true me was wildly different than the person I was pretending to be. Because of being at Saddleback church I had heard many testimonies about the powerful help people had found in Celebrate Recovery. I could identify with their hurts and their stories. But I had this dilemma. If I chose to go I would risk being known. I would risk having to admit to people that I had a shameful problem. And I would risk having to face myself in deeper ways. I wasn’t sure I could face any of these things. But this latest round of acting out convinced me that I had no other option if I really desired to change and desired to live the Christian life as God wanted me to.

The thought of coming to my first Celebrate Recovery meeting was frightening. I listened and realized quickly that this was a place of honesty and safety. The leader of the sexual addiction group encouraged me to get involved in the 12-step group and I did. That group was so amazing. Men who were broken and confused just like me but willing to share their deepest problems and there was no condemnation. We said with acceptance and understanding and support. I learned so much from hearing other guys answer the workbook questions. I gradually shared more and more of my story and my hurts both past and present.

My sexual sobriety began then. And the accountability of Christian men at our Friday and Tuesday meetings helped me continue that sobriety through some trials and testing. When my wife had to go out of town for a few days I knew that this had been a trigger for me in the past and one of my accountability brothers promised to call me on the first evening I was alone. To my amazement he did. I had never had that kind of care and support in my life. We just talked a few minutes about our mutual struggles but it was enough to break my pattern of the past and it gave me hope that I could do this the next crisis. I could call a brother and feel connected and understood. I learned to call at good times too just to connect and not feel all alone in this world. What a change.

Before this I thought I’d be trapped in my sin and shame and secrets for the rest of my life. I thought I was beyond redemption and my life was over and no hope for happiness or change and with no value to God or anyone else. Slowly God was showing me that just wasn’t true. That He could change me. And that He would use these men in my life in incredibly powerful ways to accomplish this. We drew strengths and insights from each other. We realized how similar our past and current struggles were. And I sensed the power and closeness to God and to these men that I never imagined I could experience. Here finally was the closeness of friendship and feeling I had desired for so long. It was accomplished through letting go of those secrets I had held on to so tightly.

At first the changes were hard but after a few months I realized that my thought patterns and fantasy life were changing. The progress was slow. Keeping my eyes and thoughts focused on what is God’s design for me is a daily struggle even today. But I can look back over the past six and a half years and realize how much God has changed my heart. In 2002 I sat down with my wife, asked for her complete forgiveness for all I had done. This led to a detailing of incredibly painful admissions, of shock for her that I could do all those things and that I could hide it for so many years. Months of anger and anguish in our marriage followed and there were times it felt like we couldn’t survive the strain. But my wife’s strong faith in the Lord and her conviction that she needed to follow God’s example to forgive me were amazing to experience. There was a granting of forgiveness followed by months of working out the anger, the hurt, setting ground rules and re-establishing the trust that I had broken for so many years. There is now a love and openness and honesty that we had never experienced before in our marriage. There is a willingness to talk about the hard topics in our lives and in our marriage. We still have our struggles but I have to say I never realized what closeness there could be in a marriage. Especially one that was almost destroyed by my addiction and sin. I would urge you never believe the lie as I did for years that you’ve gone too far to find recovery or gone to far to be used by God or gone too far to be transformed by God’s grace. Thank you.

Rick:

I love that line where he says you’ve never gone too far for God’s grace. That brings us to the last step, which is the hope step. It’s the good news step. It’s the faith step.

8. I must persist in believing I can change.

Here’s the good news. You don’t have to stay the same. I have watched thousands and thousands and thousands of people be changed. Change is possible. And it is never too late to start over. You may have dealt with this habit for fifteen or twenty years or whatever. But let me tell you how it’s not going to happen. It’s not going to happen with a miracle. Some of you have been praying that God would just take away the desire. It isn’t gonna happen. Some of you are waiting for that one experience, that emotional shot, that silver bullet, that pill, that seminar, that sermon, that all of a sudden it takes it away and you’re never tempted again. It isn’t going to happen.

You can pray. But that’s not what you pray for. For God to just make a miracle and take it away. He’s not going to do it.

How does God take it away? Notice this next verse. “No temptation has come your way is beyond what others have had to face. All you need to remember is that God will never let you down. He’ll never let you be pushed past your limit. He’ll always be there to help you come through that temptation.” You say, “Rick, I was in this situation and I was tempted and I couldn’t help it. I just couldn’t help it.” You’re right. That’s why you need Jesus Christ. That’s why you need God in your life. You don’t have enough power. You need God’s power in your life and you need God’s power through a friend, a Christian friend, who is Jesus in the flesh for you. You need an accountability partner and you need God’s Spirit in your life. Because you’re not going to get over it on your own.

You know what I love about Wayne’s story. There’s no miracle conversion in it. He was already a Christian when all this stuff was going on in his life. He just felt bad. He knew he was a Christian and he knew what he was doing was wrong. He was just wrong. He says kind of matter of factly, this is what I was doing. It was messing up my life, my family. I felt guilty. I tried to change. I got some counseling. Couldn’t change on my own. Went to Celebrate Recovery, got a spiritual accountability partner and now here’s the progress I’m making. I love that. Just kind of matter of fact.

That’s how it happens. It’s not going to happen by a miracle in your life. It’s going to happen when you commit to these steps we just went over.

Breaking a persistent temptation in your life is simple but it’s not easy. It’s as simple as ABC – Accountability, Boundaries, Christian friends. You’ve got to have those three things in your life or you’re never going to get over it. Accountability – one person you’re authentic with and honest with. Boundaries – you set up some boundaries that keep you from being in situations where you would be tempted.

I don’t trust myself. I trust God but I don’t trust myself. I’m a man. Given the right situation I’m capable of anything. So I decided a long time ago I was going to put boundaries in my life. For instance I travel a lot now. I travel all around the world. Last summer I was on the road forty-four days in a row. I went literally around the world more than once. Every night a different hotel room. You come home tired and exhausted and it would be very easy to just turn on the TV and if there was something wrong on that channel it’d be just too easy to not change it.

I put boundaries in my life. In the first place I don’t travel anywhere by myself. Nowhere. When I’m on the road I’m never alone by myself. I always have a male staff member with me at all times. Including in the hotel room. I never sleep by myself in the hotel room. So nobody could ever accuse “Where was Rick between eight p.m and five a.m. the next morning?” That staff member can say, “I can tell you exactly where he was.” So I am never alone when I’m traveling. Never sleep by myself or anything.

Then I’ve made other rules. For instance I determined a long time ago, even before we started the church I have never been in a room alone with another woman who was not my wife with the door closed – ever. You say you’re being kind of legalistic aren’t you? Aren’t you kind of going overboard? I’d rather go overboard than be thrown overboard. So I just put myself in situations where I can’t even be tempted. Given the right situation I am capable of anything. And by the way, so are you. If you don’t think you’re capable you are sadly mistaken. “He who standeth take heed lest he fall.” You’re setting yourself up for a fall by saying that could never happen to me. You’re wrong.

The Bible says in the book of Jeremiah “The heart is deceitful and desperately wicked. Who can know it?” That means all of us have the amazing ability to fool ourselves. Every one of us have the amazing ability to lie to ourselves. You know who you lie to the most? You. And you tell yourself it’s ok. It’s no big deal. When it really is a big deal. Any time a staff member I point out something that doesn’t look good in their lives “Did you notice how that looked, the way you did that?” And they go, “It’s no big deal.” It’s already a big deal. If they say it’s no big deal, it’s already a big deal because it means they’ve lowered their standard.

I don’t do this just in sexuality, I do this in other areas of my life. Those boundaries. When the Purpose Driven Life became the best selling book in the world it brought in millions and millions of dollars. I had to build boundaries in my life to prevent Satan from getting a foothold of greed in my life. So you know the commitments we made – stop taking a salary from the church, I still drive the same seven year old Ford, I still live in the house I’ve lived in for fourteen years. We didn’t spend the money on ourselves. In fact we give away ninety percent and live on ten. Why do I do that? Because I don’t want to see how close to the edge I can get and not fall off. It’s how far away from the edge can I get so it’s safe. Because too much is at stake – the lives of thousands and millions of people. I’d rather die, stick a knife in my heart than shame the name of Jesus Christ. So you build boundaries in your life.

It’s not rocket science folk. If you want to break these habits you do these steps and take them seriously. So what lifelong habit would you like to be released from? Have you been stuck in this cycle of good intention – I want to change – you make the effort – you fail and then you feel guilty about. Good intention, effort, fail, feel guilty. You can change. Are you ready to change? Are you ready to change now?

Prayer:

If you’re ready for a change I want you to pray this prayer in your heart. Dear God, You know all the habits and temptations in my life that have tripped me up for years. You know all the tempting situations that I’m facing right now. You even know what temptations lay ahead of me this next week that I don’t even know are coming and are going to hit me. So I’m asking for Your help. But I’m not asking for a miracle. I’m asking for Your strength to take these steps that my pastor just talked about. I am willing to follow Your principles so I can change and be free. Help me to clearly see the patterns in my life that lead to temptation. Give me enough strength to start avoiding them and build some boundaries in my life that there’s certain places I don’t go, and certain things I don’t watch, and certain people I don’t hang out with. Lord, if that means changing jobs or moving so be it. I want my soul to be saved. Lord, help me to remember to refocus my attention when things get my attention and tempt me. Today I commit to being in a small group where I can be encouraged and help others. I commit to finding a spiritual accountability partner who can help me in the specific areas of my weakness. And that I can help them and encourage them too. Most importantly, Lord, I need You to do some heart surgery on me. I ask You to remove the negative emotions that make me vulnerable to temptation. Would You replace the discouragement and the exhaustion or the boredom or the spiritual dryness and emptiness? Would You replace the insecurity and the deep wounds and hurts in my heart? Would You replace the resentment, the anger, the sadness, the loneliness with Your love with Your forgiveness, and with Your confidence. I want to learn to trust You. I ask You, Jesus Christ, to start changing me from the inside out beginning today. In Your name I pray. Amen.